Black Friday

Although you may expect that I planned my stops for the wee small hours of the morning to buy the latest toys, electronics, blue-rays, and fuzzy slippers at a steep discount in a big box store because we have less money to spend than we did last year, I did not. Here are the reasons why:

1. Shopping makes me sick. In high school, I used to get really dizzy and gross feeling if we spent too much time in the mall. I am allergic to it. I actually had a name for it: "mall sickness." The only cure is a cherry limeade and maybe a big soft pretzel.
2. I've passed out in a Wal-Mart before and have no desire to do it again in an inopportune time and get trampled.
3. I have experienced a raging case of people-induced claustrophobia before. I get worked up if all I can see around me is people and they're all up in my personal space.
4. On a normal day, I have little patience for people who are blocking the aisle with their carts or talking loudly to their shopping party or behaving badly in general, especially while shopping. It makes me wonder why I quit smoking. (Hint: it had something to do with passing out in Wal-Mart.)
5. I don't enjoy partaking in mob mentality. If I want to be involved in a spectacle on Thanksgiving night, I'll go watch Christmas lights being turned on somewhere.

As much as I enjoy a bargain, I would never go shopping on Black Friday. In fact, I've been cultivating a plan to avoid holiday shopping altogether. I, for one, love giving the impersonal present of a gift card. I like getting them, too. I don't need someone all up in my business, trying to think about what I would like. I also don't want to bother someone to make me a list. And besides, the gift card is the classy version of a wad of cash.

My avoid-holiday-shopping plan involves saving all year...by shopping all year. I use my credit card for every single purchase I make, trying to rack up the rewards points. Then when Christmas rolls around, I thoughtfully sit down at my computer and think long and hard about which store (that has a gift card offer through my credit card) my family members would like to shop at most. Then I push a couple of buttons and voila! Christmas shopping is done.

And everyone is happy. My father-in-law can buy bullets and long underwear at the outdoor store, father can buy drill bits and wildflower seeds at the home improvement store, my niece can make her own stuffed toy and my nephew can have an excuse to browse for hours in the book store before finally making his selection. Shopping for yourself at your leisure is a fun experience. Standing outside of a box store for two hours at 1 AM to try to be the first in line in the hopes that you can get one of the four laptop computers in the entire store is not fun. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. I'd better quit before I have to make a late night run for a cherry limeade.