No canned mushroom soup, french fried onion topped green bean glop for me. My green bean bundles have gained wide acceptance among the in-laws as the way to have green beans at family gatherings. Even some of the kids are on board with these beans.
The trick to making them so delectable is what I've come to understand as the food trifecta: salt, fat and sugar. These aren't every day beans. They've been primped. They're special party beans.
Green Bean Bundles
3 cans whole green beans the first instance of salt $1.50
1 pound bacon salt + fat $3.49
1 stick of butter fat + salt 57 cents
1/2 cup brown sugar sugar 25 cents (?)
garlic powder to taste
Cut the bacon in half, lengthwise. Roll up 8-12 green beans in half a slice of bacon. Place seam side down in a 9 x 13 baking dish.
Bring the butter and sugar to a boil. Pour over the green beans.
Bake at 375 for 40-50 minutes.
Total: $5.81. This makes about 24 or so bundles. That would make each bundle 24 cents. Two make a good side dish size serving. Not totally cheap but more impressive and way tastier than green bean casserole.
_________________________________
Breakfast: Um, a tortilla with ham (free) and a slice of cheese with horseradish. Yeah. 38 cents Not counting the horseradish--it's medicinal.
Lunch: Enchilada 99 cents
Snack: Clementine and Granola Bar 56 cents
Dinner: Green Bean Bundles $1.68
Total: $3.61
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
'Tis the Season
"Take a look at the five and ten/glistening once again/with candy canes and silver lanes aglow. It's beginning to look a lot like" sinusitis. Ah-ha...this isn't a sing-along post. It's a post about my head cavity problems.
Thanksgiving has past and Christmas will soon be upon us. That means it is time, once again, for my head to stop up, my eyes to get red and water, and my nose to start its incessant dripping.
The moment it began, I was onto it. Friday night. The throat starts to tighten on the left side. Phantom pressure floats from my nose to the space behind my right eye and them marches across my face. In the morning, my teeth hurt to brush them. Oh, sinusitis, how I've missed you.
In high school, I spent most of American Government asleep. It was not for the lack of entertainment to be had in class. My teacher was delightfully loud and kooky. My fellow classmates climbed out the window and talked about stockpiling guns in the basement of the Catholic church so they'd be ready to take over the world when the Pope gave the signal. It was delightful but I missed out on so much thanks to Dimetapp.
As I've grown older, I've become more averse to taking drugs, especially over-the-counter and prescription drugs. I mean, c'mon, where's the fun in that? Plus I don't think you're supposed to consume alcohol and what would I do without my bourbon? No really ;o notice the wink, normally my symptoms are gone in the same amount of time if I take something as if I don't take something. So why bother?
Well, did you know that your sinuses can become impacted and back up into your eyes and they you start oozing from your eyes? No? It's a pretty convincing sick-day excuse, especially when it starts happening at work and then you have to drive an hour home clutching a tissue to dab at you oozy eye. Even when it happens that week between Christmas and New Year's when no one wants to work and everyone thinks about faking sick--it's still really convincing. Not that that's happened to me before! ;o
This year I'm hoping to avoid looking like I've come down with a mutated version of eye Ebola. I'm trying to attack my tormentor early with some home remedies. Here's my top 10 list:
1. Cultivate a breath stench that would make a corpse flower wither up and die. So far, I've drank apple cider vinegar/garlic-infused hot water, I've eaten raw garlic (mixed with some tapenade to take the edge off) and I've eaten a weird mix of horseradish, olive oil and lemon juice. The apple cider vinegar is gross but I think the garlic makes it better somehow. I rather enjoyed the horseradish. I ate it on a saltine and kept looking for the raw oysters to go with it.
2. Make your husband think you're cooking something that smells good. I think I've pointed out before that my husband always thinks my cooking stinks. So today when I was heating water with pressed garlic to take the steam, he commented on how good it smelled. Let me get this straight, if Imma eat it, it stinks; if Imma make something that is purposely supposed to stink to open my sinuses, it smells good? I also cooked up some ginger water to make a hot compress for my face. (P.S. My microplane is worthless. Garage sale!) I'm also hoping for some unknown benefits for my pores.
3. You should have to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Word is, the more you drink, the thinner your mucous is. I use this as an excuse to buy the good flavored sparkling water. Also sage tea. Why sage? I don't know, but it doesn't suck so that's ok.
4. Steal your kid's vitamins. You should probably always steal your kid's vitamins. If they need vitamins, you should be feeding them better foods, anyway. Also, grape seed extract. Why are your kids buying weird supplements? Steal them, too.
5. Poke your eyes out. Sinus massage not only feels good, it is brings a fresh blood supply to the area. Plus, weird red marks all over your face. These will be helpful if you decide to leave work early. You'll look sicker.
6. Pour some salt on that wound? If you're like me, by this time, your nose is all chapped and raw. The last thing that sounds appealing is to snort saltwater or pour it in your nose-hole. But science disagrees with me. I haven't Neti-ed up yet.
7. Give up the good stuff. Dairy, Alcohol, Sugar. Life is no longer worth living.
8. Sleep. Ok, that makes it more bearable.
9. Exercise. Shoot! I just used this as an excuse not to exercise.
10. Carry around a handkerchief until you feel better. A red old man one. They're cheaper than tissues and you can use them to avoid unwanted human interactions. Don't want to talk to someone? Pull out your old man kerchief and start blowing your nose everywhere.
______________________________
Breakfast: Oatmeal, powdered milk, orange marmalade, blueberries
Lunch: Loaded Scalloped Potatoes
Snack: Clementine and granola bar
Dinner: Celery Fancy Snacks and Green bean bundles
Total: Oh, I don't know. I'm sick, give me a break.
Thanksgiving has past and Christmas will soon be upon us. That means it is time, once again, for my head to stop up, my eyes to get red and water, and my nose to start its incessant dripping.
The moment it began, I was onto it. Friday night. The throat starts to tighten on the left side. Phantom pressure floats from my nose to the space behind my right eye and them marches across my face. In the morning, my teeth hurt to brush them. Oh, sinusitis, how I've missed you.
In high school, I spent most of American Government asleep. It was not for the lack of entertainment to be had in class. My teacher was delightfully loud and kooky. My fellow classmates climbed out the window and talked about stockpiling guns in the basement of the Catholic church so they'd be ready to take over the world when the Pope gave the signal. It was delightful but I missed out on so much thanks to Dimetapp.
As I've grown older, I've become more averse to taking drugs, especially over-the-counter and prescription drugs. I mean, c'mon, where's the fun in that? Plus I don't think you're supposed to consume alcohol and what would I do without my bourbon? No really ;o notice the wink, normally my symptoms are gone in the same amount of time if I take something as if I don't take something. So why bother?
Well, did you know that your sinuses can become impacted and back up into your eyes and they you start oozing from your eyes? No? It's a pretty convincing sick-day excuse, especially when it starts happening at work and then you have to drive an hour home clutching a tissue to dab at you oozy eye. Even when it happens that week between Christmas and New Year's when no one wants to work and everyone thinks about faking sick--it's still really convincing. Not that that's happened to me before! ;o
This year I'm hoping to avoid looking like I've come down with a mutated version of eye Ebola. I'm trying to attack my tormentor early with some home remedies. Here's my top 10 list:
1. Cultivate a breath stench that would make a corpse flower wither up and die. So far, I've drank apple cider vinegar/garlic-infused hot water, I've eaten raw garlic (mixed with some tapenade to take the edge off) and I've eaten a weird mix of horseradish, olive oil and lemon juice. The apple cider vinegar is gross but I think the garlic makes it better somehow. I rather enjoyed the horseradish. I ate it on a saltine and kept looking for the raw oysters to go with it.
2. Make your husband think you're cooking something that smells good. I think I've pointed out before that my husband always thinks my cooking stinks. So today when I was heating water with pressed garlic to take the steam, he commented on how good it smelled. Let me get this straight, if Imma eat it, it stinks; if Imma make something that is purposely supposed to stink to open my sinuses, it smells good? I also cooked up some ginger water to make a hot compress for my face. (P.S. My microplane is worthless. Garage sale!) I'm also hoping for some unknown benefits for my pores.
3. You should have to run to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Word is, the more you drink, the thinner your mucous is. I use this as an excuse to buy the good flavored sparkling water. Also sage tea. Why sage? I don't know, but it doesn't suck so that's ok.
4. Steal your kid's vitamins. You should probably always steal your kid's vitamins. If they need vitamins, you should be feeding them better foods, anyway. Also, grape seed extract. Why are your kids buying weird supplements? Steal them, too.
5. Poke your eyes out. Sinus massage not only feels good, it is brings a fresh blood supply to the area. Plus, weird red marks all over your face. These will be helpful if you decide to leave work early. You'll look sicker.
6. Pour some salt on that wound? If you're like me, by this time, your nose is all chapped and raw. The last thing that sounds appealing is to snort saltwater or pour it in your nose-hole. But science disagrees with me. I haven't Neti-ed up yet.
7. Give up the good stuff. Dairy, Alcohol, Sugar. Life is no longer worth living.
8. Sleep. Ok, that makes it more bearable.
9. Exercise. Shoot! I just used this as an excuse not to exercise.
10. Carry around a handkerchief until you feel better. A red old man one. They're cheaper than tissues and you can use them to avoid unwanted human interactions. Don't want to talk to someone? Pull out your old man kerchief and start blowing your nose everywhere.
______________________________
Breakfast: Oatmeal, powdered milk, orange marmalade, blueberries
Lunch: Loaded Scalloped Potatoes
Snack: Clementine and granola bar
Dinner: Celery Fancy Snacks and Green bean bundles
Total: Oh, I don't know. I'm sick, give me a break.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Black Friday
Although you may expect that I planned my stops for the wee small hours of the morning to buy the latest toys, electronics, blue-rays, and fuzzy slippers at a steep discount in a big box store because we have less money to spend than we did last year, I did not. Here are the reasons why:
1. Shopping makes me sick. In high school, I used to get really dizzy and gross feeling if we spent too much time in the mall. I am allergic to it. I actually had a name for it: "mall sickness." The only cure is a cherry limeade and maybe a big soft pretzel.
2. I've passed out in a Wal-Mart before and have no desire to do it again in an inopportune time and get trampled.
3. I have experienced a raging case of people-induced claustrophobia before. I get worked up if all I can see around me is people and they're all up in my personal space.
4. On a normal day, I have little patience for people who are blocking the aisle with their carts or talking loudly to their shopping party or behaving badly in general, especially while shopping. It makes me wonder why I quit smoking. (Hint: it had something to do with passing out in Wal-Mart.)
5. I don't enjoy partaking in mob mentality. If I want to be involved in a spectacle on Thanksgiving night, I'll go watch Christmas lights being turned on somewhere.
As much as I enjoy a bargain, I would never go shopping on Black Friday. In fact, I've been cultivating a plan to avoid holiday shopping altogether. I, for one, love giving the impersonal present of a gift card. I like getting them, too. I don't need someone all up in my business, trying to think about what I would like. I also don't want to bother someone to make me a list. And besides, the gift card is the classy version of a wad of cash.
My avoid-holiday-shopping plan involves saving all year...by shopping all year. I use my credit card for every single purchase I make, trying to rack up the rewards points. Then when Christmas rolls around, I thoughtfully sit down at my computer and think long and hard about which store (that has a gift card offer through my credit card) my family members would like to shop at most. Then I push a couple of buttons and voila! Christmas shopping is done.
And everyone is happy. My father-in-law can buy bullets and long underwear at the outdoor store, father can buy drill bits and wildflower seeds at the home improvement store, my niece can make her own stuffed toy and my nephew can have an excuse to browse for hours in the book store before finally making his selection. Shopping for yourself at your leisure is a fun experience. Standing outside of a box store for two hours at 1 AM to try to be the first in line in the hopes that you can get one of the four laptop computers in the entire store is not fun. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. I'd better quit before I have to make a late night run for a cherry limeade.
1. Shopping makes me sick. In high school, I used to get really dizzy and gross feeling if we spent too much time in the mall. I am allergic to it. I actually had a name for it: "mall sickness." The only cure is a cherry limeade and maybe a big soft pretzel.
2. I've passed out in a Wal-Mart before and have no desire to do it again in an inopportune time and get trampled.
3. I have experienced a raging case of people-induced claustrophobia before. I get worked up if all I can see around me is people and they're all up in my personal space.
4. On a normal day, I have little patience for people who are blocking the aisle with their carts or talking loudly to their shopping party or behaving badly in general, especially while shopping. It makes me wonder why I quit smoking. (Hint: it had something to do with passing out in Wal-Mart.)
5. I don't enjoy partaking in mob mentality. If I want to be involved in a spectacle on Thanksgiving night, I'll go watch Christmas lights being turned on somewhere.
As much as I enjoy a bargain, I would never go shopping on Black Friday. In fact, I've been cultivating a plan to avoid holiday shopping altogether. I, for one, love giving the impersonal present of a gift card. I like getting them, too. I don't need someone all up in my business, trying to think about what I would like. I also don't want to bother someone to make me a list. And besides, the gift card is the classy version of a wad of cash.
My avoid-holiday-shopping plan involves saving all year...by shopping all year. I use my credit card for every single purchase I make, trying to rack up the rewards points. Then when Christmas rolls around, I thoughtfully sit down at my computer and think long and hard about which store (that has a gift card offer through my credit card) my family members would like to shop at most. Then I push a couple of buttons and voila! Christmas shopping is done.
And everyone is happy. My father-in-law can buy bullets and long underwear at the outdoor store, father can buy drill bits and wildflower seeds at the home improvement store, my niece can make her own stuffed toy and my nephew can have an excuse to browse for hours in the book store before finally making his selection. Shopping for yourself at your leisure is a fun experience. Standing outside of a box store for two hours at 1 AM to try to be the first in line in the hopes that you can get one of the four laptop computers in the entire store is not fun. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. I'd better quit before I have to make a late night run for a cherry limeade.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Poor Man Fancy Snacks
Happy Thanksgiving! It's the official start of the holiday season. And you know what that means...lots of people coming in and out of your house or you going in and out of a lot of other people's houses. You don't want to be seem an ungracious host or guest. So take some snacks!
I love snacks. Who doesn't? I think every day is snack-worthy, but some people reserve snacks for special occasions. Nothing is more special than the holidays. So you can't just be like, "Ya want some chips?" You should serve fancy snacks. And because I Can't Afford It, and maybe you can't either, try some Poor Man Fancy Snacks.
My favorite category of Poor Man Fancy Snacks is "You c'n put it on a Saltine." (Note: Today everything that is written in quotes has an accent when I say it in my head. Think NASCAR and Busch Light before noon--all in all, a pretty good life. But not cooking meth and losing teeth--those people wouldn't appreciate fancy snacks. They'll be happy with a bag of chips and a bowl of Skittles.) If you happen to be more flush with cash, you can also put these things on fancier crackers, or those little bread slices. You can even put them on vegetables!
Today's "You c'n put it on a Saltine" snack was inspired by black olive tapenade and Laughing Cow cheese. I liked to put this on my celery, but then I ran out of it.
Here's how it happened: Saturday, "as I was gittin' the mustard for my corn dog" I noticed a forlorn half jar of green olives. Then I remembered that I had a few roasted red peppers in oil left in a jar in the back of the fridge. Then the wheels in my head started turning. And ladies and gent, I present to you:
Green Olive and Red Pepper Tapenade
1/2 jar green olives, liquid drained off
1/4 - 1/3 jar of roasted red peppers in oil
couple peeled garlic cloves
Throw it all in the food processor. Dump it back in one of the jars to store. Fin
I don't know how much this costs. Maybe 70 cents for a cheap 1/2 jar of olives. Maybe the roasted red peppers were $1.33. And the garlic was like 10 cents. So $2.13 total? And I probably have 10-20 servings in there so about 20ish cents per serving? The good thing about this is that you can use up things you buy for one recipe but end up with leftovers you don't know what to do with--you can use green olives, black olives, capers, roasted red peppers, anything that is in a salty-briny solution, plus something olive oil-y (or just add some olive oil to the food processor). I think garlic or a little bit of onion is a good addition.
I like this on a cracker or a crispy vegetable--celery, thick slices of cucumber, etc--with a shmear of cheese. Laughing Cow is great but regular cream cheese works.
And there you have it, your first installment of Poor Man Fancy Snacks--You C'n Put It on a Saltine. I look forward to trying out/making up more Poor Man Fancy Snack recipes in the future. My mom's old Betty Crocker cookbook from the early 1970s is rife with inspiration. I'll have to figure out what to substitute for the MSG some recipes call for, though.
_______________________________
I'm visiting family for Thanksgiving so I scheduled this to post. I don't know what I'm eating today, but most of it will be absolutely free. Time to camel up!
I love snacks. Who doesn't? I think every day is snack-worthy, but some people reserve snacks for special occasions. Nothing is more special than the holidays. So you can't just be like, "Ya want some chips?" You should serve fancy snacks. And because I Can't Afford It, and maybe you can't either, try some Poor Man Fancy Snacks.
My favorite category of Poor Man Fancy Snacks is "You c'n put it on a Saltine." (Note: Today everything that is written in quotes has an accent when I say it in my head. Think NASCAR and Busch Light before noon--all in all, a pretty good life. But not cooking meth and losing teeth--those people wouldn't appreciate fancy snacks. They'll be happy with a bag of chips and a bowl of Skittles.) If you happen to be more flush with cash, you can also put these things on fancier crackers, or those little bread slices. You can even put them on vegetables!
Today's "You c'n put it on a Saltine" snack was inspired by black olive tapenade and Laughing Cow cheese. I liked to put this on my celery, but then I ran out of it.
Here's how it happened: Saturday, "as I was gittin' the mustard for my corn dog" I noticed a forlorn half jar of green olives. Then I remembered that I had a few roasted red peppers in oil left in a jar in the back of the fridge. Then the wheels in my head started turning. And ladies and gent, I present to you:
Green Olive and Red Pepper Tapenade
1/2 jar green olives, liquid drained off
1/4 - 1/3 jar of roasted red peppers in oil
couple peeled garlic cloves
Throw it all in the food processor. Dump it back in one of the jars to store. Fin
I don't know how much this costs. Maybe 70 cents for a cheap 1/2 jar of olives. Maybe the roasted red peppers were $1.33. And the garlic was like 10 cents. So $2.13 total? And I probably have 10-20 servings in there so about 20ish cents per serving? The good thing about this is that you can use up things you buy for one recipe but end up with leftovers you don't know what to do with--you can use green olives, black olives, capers, roasted red peppers, anything that is in a salty-briny solution, plus something olive oil-y (or just add some olive oil to the food processor). I think garlic or a little bit of onion is a good addition.
I like this on a cracker or a crispy vegetable--celery, thick slices of cucumber, etc--with a shmear of cheese. Laughing Cow is great but regular cream cheese works.
And there you have it, your first installment of Poor Man Fancy Snacks--You C'n Put It on a Saltine. I look forward to trying out/making up more Poor Man Fancy Snack recipes in the future. My mom's old Betty Crocker cookbook from the early 1970s is rife with inspiration. I'll have to figure out what to substitute for the MSG some recipes call for, though.
_______________________________
I'm visiting family for Thanksgiving so I scheduled this to post. I don't know what I'm eating today, but most of it will be absolutely free. Time to camel up!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I'm Declaring Every Day Thanksgiving
I had a different blog post half-written for today, but something happened at work that got me thinking thinking thoughts. It all started innocently enough, with the only man in my office sharing via email a somewhat humorous advertisement for the JC Penney's jewelry counter.
My boss responded, with a "funny" story about how one time her husband got her a vacuum cleaner for Christmas and a toaster for her wedding anniversary. Sometimes it's just better to get nothing at all! Now let's all lol!
Except I wasn't feeling very lol-y. One of my co-workers responded, in a self-deprecating way, that she would welcome the gift of a vacuum cleaner. I didn't respond at all. If I had, it would have been something like, "Oh, yes, that is so funny. I hate it when someone spends over $200 on something that I need and would use, thereby saving me from having to spend that money. I'm so glad my husband doesn't have a job so he can't get me something expensive like a vacuum cleaner. This commercial is so right on!"
The more I thought about it, the more lathered up I got. I'd heard this story once before from the boss. That time, it was prefaced with, "We don't buy each other gifts anymore. If we want something, we just go out and get it ourselves." Well, isn't that a nice thing to do WHEN YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO GO BUY WHATEVER YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.
Sidebar: I'm trying very hard not to virtually burn my boss in effigy in this blog post. Let me just put it this way, have you ever read GOOP, you know Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle blog where she's all, "My friend Mario Batali says you should only eat mushrooms from northern Italy that have been discovered by midgets who can find them better because they're closer to the ground. At $500 per ounce, these are a bargain!" and "I think everyone should have their own personal uniform. It makes it easier to start your day when you know your style can take you from dropping the offspring of myself and singer-songwriter Chris Martin off at school to a lunch meeting with movie producer and my godfather, Steven Spielberg, at The Connaught Bar to a night out with my very good friend Vince Gill after we sing together onstage at the Country Music Awards. I put mine uniform together with the help of my good friend and fashion designer Stella McCartney." Like she hasn't even imagined that some people can't afford a Christmas get-away to Puerta Vallarta, much less being able to dine in the best restaurants once you're there? On a less ostentatious scale, that is my boss.
Sidebar #2: I also was thinking about how we are so politically correct about everything. Maybe we should all stop and think about being a little more politically correct about money. I mean, if I were to go deaf tomorrow, I hope my boss wouldn't try to share a CD of an amazing Christmas cantata. You know, this is the lady to whom I had to confess that we wouldn't be able to afford to put my husband on my health insurance plan. I didn't say, "We just like to gamble," I said, "We just can't afford it." It's not like she doesn't know. But I'm probably just being too sensitive...
Once I got over being bitter about it, I started thinking about how that commercial paints us, as wives, as husbands, as white middle-class, as Americans. It is pretty awful, if you think about it. The man thinks he can purchase something to make the woman's life easier--a flawed premise, if you ask me. The woman is so ungrateful that she throws the man in prison. Wow, how many people out there would love, love to be able to afford a fancy vacuum cleaner, or any vacuum cleaner at all, or the house to use it in?
So I'm putting my foot down. I may not be able to get this through Congress, but I can get this through to the what four? of you that read my blog regularly. Thanksgiving may very well be the best American invention ever. It deserves better than the fourth Thursday of November. It deserves better than turkey and dressing (and the good macaroni & cheese--you know who you are!). Thanksgiving should be every day. We should reflect on all the many, many, many blessings we have not just on one day, but on every day. If we can't be bothered to marvel at our own good fortune and give thanks for it, we all deserve to be in the dog house.
_____________________
Breakfast: Oatmeal and free blueberries (Thanks, Mom, for your hard work in picking and preparing those berries and for sharing them with me.) 11 cents
Snack: Granola bar (I'm very thankful to Smitten Kitchen for sharing the recipe for these granola bars with the internet.) 21 cents
Lunch: Enchilada (How blessed I am to be able to just stop by the grocery store on my way home from work to pick up what I need to make enchiladas for dinner any night I want!) 99 cents
Dinner: Massive Amounts of Junk (I may not be able to afford much, but if I feel the desire to go to the grocery store for some stress-eating foods, I am thankful that I can blast my food budget out of the water and get whatever junky stuff sounds good.) I ate some chocolate covered peanut butter sandwiches that cost about $1.40 and a hot pocket that cost $1.25 and some jalapeno popper things that were about $1.50.
Total: $5.45
And I'm thankful that I have great friends who read this blog, not because I'm the picture of virtue and perpetually upbeat, but because I'm bound to fail occasionally, get down about it, and pick myself up. We all do it. That's just what makes us interesting.
So, a day early and every day after, what are you thankful for?
My boss responded, with a "funny" story about how one time her husband got her a vacuum cleaner for Christmas and a toaster for her wedding anniversary. Sometimes it's just better to get nothing at all! Now let's all lol!
Except I wasn't feeling very lol-y. One of my co-workers responded, in a self-deprecating way, that she would welcome the gift of a vacuum cleaner. I didn't respond at all. If I had, it would have been something like, "Oh, yes, that is so funny. I hate it when someone spends over $200 on something that I need and would use, thereby saving me from having to spend that money. I'm so glad my husband doesn't have a job so he can't get me something expensive like a vacuum cleaner. This commercial is so right on!"
The more I thought about it, the more lathered up I got. I'd heard this story once before from the boss. That time, it was prefaced with, "We don't buy each other gifts anymore. If we want something, we just go out and get it ourselves." Well, isn't that a nice thing to do WHEN YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO GO BUY WHATEVER YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.
Sidebar: I'm trying very hard not to virtually burn my boss in effigy in this blog post. Let me just put it this way, have you ever read GOOP, you know Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle blog where she's all, "My friend Mario Batali says you should only eat mushrooms from northern Italy that have been discovered by midgets who can find them better because they're closer to the ground. At $500 per ounce, these are a bargain!" and "I think everyone should have their own personal uniform. It makes it easier to start your day when you know your style can take you from dropping the offspring of myself and singer-songwriter Chris Martin off at school to a lunch meeting with movie producer and my godfather, Steven Spielberg, at The Connaught Bar to a night out with my very good friend Vince Gill after we sing together onstage at the Country Music Awards. I put mine uniform together with the help of my good friend and fashion designer Stella McCartney." Like she hasn't even imagined that some people can't afford a Christmas get-away to Puerta Vallarta, much less being able to dine in the best restaurants once you're there? On a less ostentatious scale, that is my boss.
Sidebar #2: I also was thinking about how we are so politically correct about everything. Maybe we should all stop and think about being a little more politically correct about money. I mean, if I were to go deaf tomorrow, I hope my boss wouldn't try to share a CD of an amazing Christmas cantata. You know, this is the lady to whom I had to confess that we wouldn't be able to afford to put my husband on my health insurance plan. I didn't say, "We just like to gamble," I said, "We just can't afford it." It's not like she doesn't know. But I'm probably just being too sensitive...
Once I got over being bitter about it, I started thinking about how that commercial paints us, as wives, as husbands, as white middle-class, as Americans. It is pretty awful, if you think about it. The man thinks he can purchase something to make the woman's life easier--a flawed premise, if you ask me. The woman is so ungrateful that she throws the man in prison. Wow, how many people out there would love, love to be able to afford a fancy vacuum cleaner, or any vacuum cleaner at all, or the house to use it in?
So I'm putting my foot down. I may not be able to get this through Congress, but I can get this through to the what four? of you that read my blog regularly. Thanksgiving may very well be the best American invention ever. It deserves better than the fourth Thursday of November. It deserves better than turkey and dressing (and the good macaroni & cheese--you know who you are!). Thanksgiving should be every day. We should reflect on all the many, many, many blessings we have not just on one day, but on every day. If we can't be bothered to marvel at our own good fortune and give thanks for it, we all deserve to be in the dog house.
_____________________
Breakfast: Oatmeal and free blueberries (Thanks, Mom, for your hard work in picking and preparing those berries and for sharing them with me.) 11 cents
Snack: Granola bar (I'm very thankful to Smitten Kitchen for sharing the recipe for these granola bars with the internet.) 21 cents
Lunch: Enchilada (How blessed I am to be able to just stop by the grocery store on my way home from work to pick up what I need to make enchiladas for dinner any night I want!) 99 cents
Dinner: Massive Amounts of Junk (I may not be able to afford much, but if I feel the desire to go to the grocery store for some stress-eating foods, I am thankful that I can blast my food budget out of the water and get whatever junky stuff sounds good.) I ate some chocolate covered peanut butter sandwiches that cost about $1.40 and a hot pocket that cost $1.25 and some jalapeno popper things that were about $1.50.
Total: $5.45
And I'm thankful that I have great friends who read this blog, not because I'm the picture of virtue and perpetually upbeat, but because I'm bound to fail occasionally, get down about it, and pick myself up. We all do it. That's just what makes us interesting.
So, a day early and every day after, what are you thankful for?
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