This Week's Lessons

So what did we learn this week?

1. "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about." --My Dad, and maybe, God.
2. If your husband tells you your cooking stinks (as in literally smells bad), you've probably just made a delicious dinner. At least he's never said something I cooked smelled like a vagina. Oh, wait, yes he has.
3. Health insurance is the devil. If only our skin was so strong.
4. Sweet potatoes deserve better than to be covered in marshmallows. And if you need me to do something for you, free food is a good bribe.
5. J'adore Grocery Store. In case you're wondering, the clothes I wear that I wore in high school are: a short gray wool skirt with two rows of buttons down the front and my Charlotte's Web t-shirt. I think that's all.
6. I probably ate a moldy muffin. But then again, who hasn't.
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Breakfast: Bacon, egg & cheese sandwich 52 cents
Snack: Banana 11 cents
Lunch: Taco soup 86 cents
Snack: Free brownie at a work function
Dinner: Free Taco Bell courtesy of the in-laws and a granola bar 47 cents

Total: $1.96

Waste Not...

If you're going to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs. Also? If you're going to store two cartons of eggs in the refrigerator door, you're going to make an omelet.

This week I broke five eggs by opening the refrigerator door. The first time, I had half an omelet for dinner and half for breakfast. Before I'd even gotten the breakfast half eaten, I broke four eggs in one fell swoop. So, I picked up the carton, and threw the broken eggs (sans shells, of course) into the frying pan. Quick egg muffins, I figured.

In the past, I've been really bad about throwing food away. But guess what, we can't afford it anymore. Plus, it is kind of an asshole-y thing to do, if you think about it. It seems these days that nothing is more American than throwing half an apple pie in the garbage.  And what kind of an asshole throws away apple pie?

I've seen other bloggers posting pictures of the food they throw out in an attempt to make themselves accountable. It was a big thing there for awhile, I think. Food Waste Fridays or some such. Well, good on them. As usual, I'm still tightrolling my pants while everyone else is onto fraying cuffs. So here is what I wasted this week. But no pictures, I don't need to subject you to moldy muffins, plus I don't want to get a flickr account for moldy muffins...yet.

I made some pumpkin muffins. They didn't turn out so well. But they tasted ok. Then I noticed they were moldy. I ate some the day before I noticed the mold. I'm pretty sure I have an iron stomach.

Ginger. I don't know how long I had this ginger. I didn't even know it could go bad. I planned to use it in my sweet potato patties. I used the dried kind instead.

And now for the non-edible consumables. (See, all you trendy bloggers, I just took your idea and did one better. Frayed cuffs and flannel shirts!)

Once upon a time, I was really concerned not just with what I put in my body, but what I put on in. I still am, really, but I can't afford it. (Tom's deodorant for $4 or Suave for 50 cents. That math is easy, although justifying the potential risks is much more difficult.) So I had purchased this olive oil soap. It was Kiss My Face and it scored a 0 on the Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database. That's the best score and I felt very much like a smug, washed hippie. I bought and used two or three bars and then developed some allergy. I broke out all over the inside of my arms in little, itchy bumps. It sat on my side of the shower. I'd try to use it every now and then but always with the same results. I just tried again this week. So I'm giving up and tossing it. At least I know it won't poison the landfill?

You know what I would gladly waste, though? My step-baby's-momma is making her go to her gymnastics meet today. The one I paid for her to enter. In case you forgot, my step-daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia on Monday. She hasn't been to gymnastics practice for two weeks. I would gladly waste the entry fee for her to have more time to recover and feel better before trying to compete. Despite this, she did ok in the meet. But she was really tired.
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Breakfast: English Muffin, Laughing Cow Cheese, Pear 81 cents
Snack: Granola Bar 47 cents
Lunch: Smoked sausage sandwich and free french fries 42 cents
Dinner: taco soup, crackers, cream cheese stuffed peppers $2.15

Total: $3.85

Memorizing the Circulars

The day the grocery store circulars arrive in the mail is one of my favorite times of the week. I have a friend in Knoxville—we went to grad school together. One time she confessed that she liked to read stolen restaurant menus while soaking in the tub. That is how I feel about recipes and grocery store circulars. But substitute the tub for bourbon—or maybe I could just soak in a tub of bourbon.

I’m currently developing my grocery store attack method. There are two, sometimes three, people who live in my house. When we just bought whatever we wanted, I usually spent more than the grocery budget every month. I bought organic things sometimes, and the pricey local dairy flavored milk and butter, and the *good* frozen pizza. I would compost spoiled, shriveled, moldy, and otherwise gross vegetables. I know we can do better.

And the thing is—I like doing better. It somehow brings me joy to win at the grocery store. I’ve always been proud of a good deal. Complement me on something I’m wearing, and my likely reply is, “Thanks! I got it on sale!” or “I’ve had this since high school.” (Although the things I still wear that I wore in high school are few and far between, by now—almost fifteen years later.)

Sidebar: You know how some people shop for shoes or handbags or clothes or electronics, whatever and call it "retail therapy." In grad school, grocery stores became my retail therapy. J'adore grocery store, not Dior.

So my first step in my grocery store attack is to sit down with the circular (and bourbon) and figure out what’s on sale. I write down everything that I might be interested in and how much it costs, and check it against my price book. Heh, price book: Total nerd alert!

Then I check my coupons for what is expiring soon and what can be combined with any sales at the grocery stores for an extra-good deal. I add these to the list.

Then I check what we already have and make my shopping lists. Generally anything that makes it to the shopping list has to be something that: a) we’ll eat; b) is needed to be combined with something we already have for a recipe/dinner; c) is a good deal.

Then I make two lists. One is things I’ll buy on Thursday or Friday—when the special sales are happening. The other is things I’ll buy on Sunday. I prioritize the lists and write the amount I want to stay below when I go shopping.

At the store, I keep a running total in my head as I put items into the cart. If something is on the end of the list but I’m over budget, I put it back. My Thursday/Friday trip also lets me scope out things that aren’t listed on the circular, but might be a good deal to consider for my Sunday trip.

And because I’ve done all this work, my mom and select co-workers are also alerted to the good sales at the grocery store! So, for example, if my co-workers pull a banana out of their pocket, I’ll say, “Bananas are on sale today for 33 cents a pound!” Everyone wins!

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Note: This accounting for the food I eat is a bit embarrassing. I'm not a light eater although I may pretend to be sometimes. As you will see below, I can eat a whole medium french fries on the way home AND have a girl-sized dinner. I guess if you're reading this blog, you either know this about me, or have inferred it from the number of times I go to the refrigerator during the work day.

Breakfast: Egg omelet: 1/2 egg, 1/8 c egg white, 1/8 c cottage cheese, 1/4 can corn, green pepper: The pepper was free! 34 cents

Snack: Granola Bar 47 cents
Lunch: Sweet potato patties, Celery and tapenade $1.07
Snack: kiwi 44 cents
Fake Dinner: McDonald's French Fries FREE
Dinner: Sweet potato patty, smoked sausage 73 cents
We're going to get some FREE desert from McD's right now.


Total: $3.05

Sweet Potato and Leek Patties

The best thing ever is free food, no? It doesn't matter if I have to suffer through awkward work lunches or birthday doughnuts, I'll do it. I don't care if I have to like Kraft on Facebook or promise to get junk email from Oscar Mayer, I'll do it. I'll even go to McDonald's on four separate occasions between now and Monday to redeem all the french fry coupons the husband accrued during his working days--drive thru, here I come.

Free food is awesome. Even if it is something I would avoid on a normal trip to the grocery store (Deluxe Kraft Singles? I would turn my nose up at you, were it not for the free coupon I have.), I'll indulge. Not that we're that hard up, but *win*, right?

What's even more awesome is free produce from someone's garden. For this particular recipe, it's my parents'. They had a bounty of sweet potatoes--which means we have a bounty of sweet potatoes.

Sweet potatoes are delicious on their own. I eat them cooked with bananas for breakfast, microwaved with some butter, and, of course, mashed. No marshmallow topped casserole dishes for me. But I wanted to try something different. These patties are good and make a good main dish. But, for us, I don't know if I'd go to the trouble again.

Sidebar: My husband was afraid I was ruining good sweet potatoes. As I think will become a theme of these recipe-post sidebars, he likes these patties.

Sweet Potato and Leek Patties--adapted from the 1001 Classic Recipes book my dad gave me for Christmas years ago. Unfortunately, too heavy to take in the bath with your juice glass of bourbon.

2 pounds of sweet potatoes Free! One sweet potato was two pounds. How do I know? I weighed myself on the scales holding the sweet potato and then without it. Trying to figure out how much food weighs is generally the only time I get on the scale.
2 teaspoons plus 3 tablespoons olive oil $1.39
2 medium leeks, thinly sliced $2.00. Yikes--you can totally reduce this cost by using onions--maybe one small onion. They were organic and I splurged without thinking. Oh well, this way I could say, "no," when the husband asked if there were onions in it.
1 clove garlic, minced 5 cents is what I guessed last time.
7 ounces corn 25 cents
2 tablespoons plain yogurt 7 cents. Buyer beware--I love plain yogurt. I happened to buy the store brand because it was cheapest. When I opened it and licked the lid I discovered it was sweetened. Nothing on the carton indicated that it was sweetened except the ingredient list. But it worked ok for this recipe because of the natural sweetness of the potatoes, corn, and cooked leek.
1/2 cup flour 4 cents
some shakes of ginger I'm not going to be anal and try to figure out how much some shakes of ginger costs. Same thing applies to salt and pepper--we're actually using free salt and pepper because it came in our wedding gift salt & pepper grinders. It's probably too old now but the pepper is still spicy.

Cook and mash the sweet potatoes. Meanwhile heat the 2 teaspoons of oil and cook the leeks and garlic. Add some shakes of ginger to the pan.

Stir corn, leeks, and yogurt into potatoes. Season with salt and pepper.

Form patties and toss in flour to coat. Chill in refrigerator. I cooled them overnight simply because I can't sit around and wait dinner for some potato patties to cool.

Brush patties with oil and broil 6ish minutes. Turn over and broil another 6ish minutes. I like them to look a little bit brown and feel dried out.

This recipe made fifteen patties. One makes a good side and two would be a good meal. That equals about 26 cents per patty.

There is a fancy sauce but I didn't make it. It called for things like ginger wine and stuff. I like them plain. The husband plans to use a lot of butter. He cannot be tamed.

*Note: I made these yesterday. That's why they're not in my food count for today.*
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Breakfast 1: 1/2 banana with sweet potato. I ate this before I ran. 12 cents
Breakfast 2: English muffin, Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge, Pear: 81 cents
Snack: Chewy Granola Bar: 47 cents
Lunch: Pulled Pork Sandwich and cup of soup--I had a working lunch today, but not one of those awkward ones. $8.95 but not because expense account!
Dinner: Pumpkin polenta; bacon, 1/3 leek, Brussel sprouts: 71 cents

Total: $2.11

Devilish Health Insurance

One thing that sucks about losing your job is losing your health insurance. Especially if you have a pre-existing condition and had back surgery less than a year ago. You just know, without even checking, that no one is going to give you individual insurance.

There is a natural inclination to just slide. What’s the worst that could happen? Surely you’ll get a job soon. Just stay away from power tools and you’ll be ok.

Except when you’re not. On Monday, we found out my step-daughter has pneumonia. Sometimes these things just happen. I wonder what the $75 cocktail of medicine would have cost without insurance—not to mention the doctor’s visit and chest x-rays.

A sidebar that could be a post all on its own, my step-daughter concocted a nirvana alternate universe in the car on the way to the doctor’s office. No one ever gets sick. Your skin is too strong to get hurt. You don’t need surgery on your back like Dad or on your shoulder like Aunt Dolly. And doctors and nurses and other medical professions only exist for when you’re going to have a baby or when you need a check-up…but that’s just for your weight and stuff. Also? No need for health insurance or those ugly brick office buildings. Those were added due to my prompts.

Being my mother’s daughter (read: a worrier), I asked my boss how much it would cost to add my husband on my insurance. For the both of us it would cost—get this—$666.

I think that says it all.

We don’t know if we can afford it or not. But maybe the question is: Can we afford not to?

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Breakfast: Sweet Potato & Banana with nuts: 54 cents
Snack: 7 ounces of plain yogurt, blueberries, old granola leftover from a McDonalds's fruit and yogurt parfait: 49 cents
Lunch: Pumpkin Polenta with Beans & Greens: 70 cents
Snack: 2 stalks of celery, 1 triangle of Laughing Cow & some tapenade: 98 cents
Dinner: 1/4 chicken breast, sweet potato patty: $1.50
Total $4.21
There is a lot of hold-over expensive food (tapenade, cage-free chicken) that I'm trying to account for here so I'm probably not extremely accurate. But it is my best guess while not trying to under-estimate.