Role Reversal

For much of my childhood, I lived in a one-income household. My mom rocked as a SAHM. I mean, she kept me in stitches--literally. (Except when she made me stand very still and try on a garment that was still pinned together.)

I had some friends whose moms worked. I was both envious of days spent with other kids at "the babysitter's" and confused as to why that was necessary at all. We weren't wealthy. We lived in a rural area in a small town and we did better than ok. We could afford Great American Roadtrips in a rented RV to see Great American Things every few years. Like many kids, we had more toys than we could play with in a day. Sure, I wore my brother's hand-me-downs and rode a brown boy's bike with a banana seat during my early bike riding years, but I kinda thought everyone did.

I don't know if this was the typical one-person-working-outside-the-home 1980s family life. It may have been a little Walton-y. Mom got up early and fixed breakfast. We all sat at the table together, said our prayers, and ate. We made our Halloween costumes ourselves and went 20 miles to Walmart to pick out a pattern and material for Christmas and Easter dresses. We picked strawberries and green beans and peas and corn and tomatoes and anything else that grew in the backyard garden. In the summer, Saturday morning cartoons were always accompanied by shelling peas or snapping green beans, the rest of the year, we folded laundry with the Smurfs and Snorkels. In the winter, we were sent downstairs to grab a jar of green beans or tomatoes or a pack of corn from the freezer. These came out of our garden in the summer and were put up by Mom and were a thousand times better than cans from the store. We knew how lucky we were when we spooned up hot, golden, sweet "real" corn for dinner. We didn't know that the few cents it saved helped us to have such great present bonanzas at Christmastime. Mom ran the house and Dad worked hard, bringing home the check and handing it over to the coupon clipper and sale shopper.

But times, they are a'changing. I know a lot of stay-at-home men, these days. Most have a woman wage-earner but not all. Our neighbor is a stay-at-home dad. Our friend has been out of work for over a year. My friend's ex and my other friend's boyfriend are both unemployed. And the husband. Likewise, the first rider of my boy's bike was out of work for a few weeks. All are or were out of work for different reason. Nonetheless, it's a scary economy and it seems to have hit the men I know harder than the women.

I'm sure it must be hard for the dudes. The husband has been through bouts of unemployment before but I think having a partner that does get up and go to work every day must make it harder. He's much more interested in what happened at my work. He wants to show me all his accomplishments when I get home. (And they are many and somewhat impressive.)

It is hard not to be jealous of those accomplishments because they are so much more tangible than anything I do at work. It's not that I ever wanted to stay at home, although I admit, I get more satisfaction out of gardening and home chores, big and small, than I do at work. But it is kind of hard to reconcile the role reversal of having a stay-at-home husband, even when I hope this is temporary. There are things I expect him to do and to be, because they are the things that (from experience) I expect from the stay-at-home half.

I expect him to be better at the whole idea of home economics. But he's not the most thrifty person. Like when I sent him to the grocery store Monday morning to pick up some lunch meat for the step-daughter and he returned with the cheap lunch meat and the expensive pre-made muffins and flavored milk. Or when he grabs a sandwich with friends and wants to go to the movies. (Although the popcorn was totally my fault.) He's made great strides at curbing his impulse spending on bigger ticket items, but not in the little ways that add up over time.

Also, he's hopeless in the kitchen. I think he doesn't eat lunch and he has no earthly idea what is in the refrigerator. I don't know if: a) he's actually not hungry, b) he just forgets, c) it doesn't occur to him that there is something he could eat in the refrigerator, or d) he can't figure out what to do when he opens it so he doesn't bother. It's probably e) all of the above. I asked him to flip my grilled cheese sandwich Wednesday and he said, "How am I supposed to do that?" with some incredulous panic in his tone. I said, with equally incredulous disgust, "Good grief!" (Or I might have taken the Lord's name in vain.) He figured it out.

Sometimes, I want to come home from work and follow my dad's lead: eat the dinner that is waiting for me, grab a beer, and settle in for some television. But at the same time, boring, plus I know I can't hang a door or do body work on the old car like the husband does. The things that I want the husband to do are the things that I can bring to the table. And I know I would be a wee bit jealous and would flounder to figure out my role if someone were to take over those jobs.

In the end, what I know is that we have to find our own way in this world as a team. It's not about fitting into an outdated prescription. I want to bring home the bacon and fry it and give the husband the opportunity to find a life's work that is enjoyable and fulfilling. And if I can put a dinner on the table that I grew part of in the garden and used coupons to get the rest; if I can make the husband stand very still while I pin up a hem to sew in his pants; if I can dazzle my step-daughter with my crafty costume making skills; and if I can occasionally sit down with a bourbon and a tv show after a hard day's work, then I know that I've learned a thing or two from both my role models and I've made a way for myself that fits me perfectly--even if it is still held together by pins.
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Breakfast: Waffle with butter and syrup 40 cents
Lunch: 1/2 c taco soup and corn dog 93 cents
Snack: granola bar 27 cents
Dinner: miner's casserole and poor man fancy snacks 75 cents

Total: $2.35

The Unfortunately Titled Miner's Casserole

I was having a conversation with Whatever today about the standards are for cheap food. Generally I want something that is made of real stuff, but I'm not above Kraft cheese slices melted into a pot of macaroni. This is what my step-daughter thinks of as "good" macaroni and cheese. Poor thing. So this casserole--and the substitutions I made to the original recipe--is a good example of what you could call my "standards."

I found this recipe from one of the best places to scout cheap recipes--the family cookbook. Well, if you're in my family, that is. My mom made a cookbook for the family reunion one year. It was actually a year-long process that involved gathering recipes and designing the book and having it printed and bound in the pre-FedEx/Kinkos days. It was printed on our dot matrix printer if that tells you anything about the age of this thing.

Isn't Miner's Casserole the worst name ever? It was submitted to the cookbook by Barber Larry. They (yes, it's a couple and that is my nickname for them) are friends of my parents and since this was in the family cookbook, they are also distantly related. I have no idea what inspires the name of this dish. Maybe because it's a gold color? Maybe I don't want to know?

Sidebar: The first time the husband went to my parents' church with me, he left thinking I was related to every church member. This is not the case, but I can see how he made the mistake.

I've made this once before, shortly after the cookbook came out. I used all the "proper" ingredients at the time. It probably took years off the lives of everyone who ate it. But man, it was tasty.

Sidebar: I just noticed that I left the casserole sitting in the oven with the timer running for 55 minutes. Too bad I forgot to turn the oven on. Dinner is delayed for an hour. Effffff!

Miner's Casserole
24 oz cottage cheese $1.88
1/2 lb Velveeta Ok, I love sticky, spongy, glowing orange bricks as much as the next person but I used shredded cheddar, about 2 cups $1.25
1/4 c margarine, cut in crumbs Here I used butter. We shy away from margarine in our house. But no judgment.  28 cents
6 beaten eggs 42 cents
6 tablespoons flour 3 cents
10 oz package chopped frozen spinach, thawed, squeezed dry, and pulled apart 99 cents
1/4 lb Italian Sausage I added this to make it seem a little more hefty. It gives it a little something extra 75 cents

Mix everything up. Put it in a greased 9x13. Bake one hour. Cool five minutes. Cut into squares.

Confession: I forgot until right now to add the flour. Dang you, bourbon!

Total: $5.60

I cut it into 15 squares so  37 cents for a square.
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Breakfast: Oatmeal with blueberries and some powdered milk I have a bunch of powdered milk in the freezer for bread recipes so I'm starting to use it when I cook. The blueberries were free. 14 cents
Snack: Banana 11 cents
Lunch: Taco Soup 86 cents
Snack: Pretzel twist (free!) and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups From the Honor Snack box. Sometimes it is impossible to resist. But it is highway robbery at $1 per snack.
Dinner: Miner's casserole x2 that's what happens when you wait an extra hour to eat 74 cents

Total: $2.71

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Even when it is just with your hairstylist. I really like my hairstylist. She first cut my hair when I took off a mega-ton of inches to donate to Locks of Love. (Why can't I write that donation off my taxes?) She's kept it in shape all summer and fall.

But, I have no money. And when I have no money, one of the first things to go is the regular haircuts. That's actually one reason I grew my hair out in the first place. I couldn't afford the upkeep. I mean, sure, I use a lot more conditioner when I have long hair, but really that is it. I don't use more shampoo. I don't even use the blow drier more. In fact, I probably dry my hair more now than when I had long hair and just threw it in a ponytail wet. (Everyday, because I care about what my co-workers think of my hair.)

Sidebar: I really don't like sitting in a chair that long to get my hair cut. I'll gladly be immobile for any number of reasons (reading, tv, staring off into the middle distance, getting a cavity drilled) but a haircut isn't one of them. I think it's from all the time I spent in rollers as a child. I sported a perm from 3rd grade until 9th. I want my youth back, but not the Little Orphan Annie hair-do.

So getting a haircut just feels too indulgent right now.  But I still need at least one paying cut. (My stylist shapes up the back and thins out the sides for free. I guess stylists consider "preventing mullets" a worthy cause.) So I'm trying to be very strategic about my last $40 haircut.

Sidebar: My husband cuts his own hair. I was tempted to try it. But I won't, the results would probably cost more than $40 to fix. 

I think I'll go in and ask for her opinion. But first, I'll say, "It's not you, it's me."

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Breakfast: Tortilla, Banana, Peanut Butter 31 cents
Snack: Granola Bar 47 cents
Lunch: Taco Soup 86 cents
Dinner: Grilled Cheese and Turkey 83 cents
Movies: Popcorn $7! SEVEN dollars. I could eat for two days on seven dollars! What was I thinking?

Total: $9.47

Taco Soup

Last weekend My Office Space and I ran a 5 mile trail race. At the end of the race, there's soup, which is the perfect thing to warm up with after a long slog through the woods. Out of the many options, I chose taco soup. It was so good. I knew that most of the ingredients it would take were on sale at the grocery store that week and that I had some ground turkey patties in the freezer, so I went home and found a recipe online.

This if very chili-esque, but a nice change from chili. And it's very quick to make, but could simmer all day in the crock pot if you wanted.

I don't remember where I got this recipe from. Most of them were very similar, just with tiny variations. I made some variations of my own.

Taco Soup

3/4 pounds ground turkey. It called for 2 pounds of ground beef. In my opinion, 2 pounds would be too meaty. $2.25
1 package taco seasoning. 50 cents
1 1/2 cups water. I know water isn't free but I'm considering it like salt and pepper and herbs. It would take more time to figure out than it is worth.
1 can mild chili beans. 50 cents
1 1/2 cans pinto beans. I used more pinto beans because of the less meat. I used dried pinto beans but I don't know what that would cost, so canned would cost 75 cents
1 can stewed tomatoes. 80 cents
1 can diced tomatoes. 80 cents
1 small can diced green chilies. 98 cents
1 package ranch mix. $1.47
1 can corn. I used frozen corn but canned would cost 50 cents.

In a large pot, cook the turkey. Add all ingredients.Simmer 15 minutes, stirring occasionally until heated through.

Everything together costs $8.55. It makes about 10 cups so about 86 cents a cup.
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Breakfast: Banana and peanut butter on a tortilla 31 cents
Lunch: Working lunch on the road! (Chicken fried steak, if you must know.)
Snack: Free doughnut!
Dinner: Taco soup and crackers 89 cents

Total: $1.20

Compressing the Work Week

Have you guys seen gas prices lately? Have they gone up as much in your town as they have here? They're something like $2.73.

Sidebar: Liberal Ideology Alert! Please skip down the the un-italic section if you do not wish to think me a "dirty liberal." I dare say there also may be Conservative Ideology Alerts in the future of this blog. I can't be expected to fit into one neat label. I think our (the US's) gas is too cheap. Artificially so--it doesn't take into account the "real cost" of this very useful, very limited, not-very-clean, non-renewable resource. Just because it's there, doesn't mean we have to suck every reserve dry. That's the smug, washed hippie in me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be a sanctimonious hypocrite, I drive a lot more than I should or than I want to. My commute is 45 miles one way. I cringe every time I think about it. I even tried to figure out how to take public transportation. But that involved either driving 26 miles in worse traffic to catch the right bus, or spending a minimum of 3 hours and 48 minutes on public transportation, one way, every day. That is unpossible. It would take less time for me to bike to work. I actually did the math on that, too.

I used to try to predict when gas would go up. I tried to fill up when I thought it was cheapest, only to see it for less the next time I drove by the gas station. It is, as Whatever and Ever Amen has been know to say, like pulling the lever on a slot machine in Vegas--you can hope for the best but never know what you're going to get.

This summer, I talked to my boss about working four long days a week instead of five. I had a feeling gas was going no where but up and wanted to have a back-up plan in case it did. Then the Deepwater Horizon exploded. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I truly believe big oil decided to keep gas prices low to distract the American public from thinking long and hard about our gas-guzzling culture. I mean, an ecological disaster (and an economic disaster for the Gulf region) on top of sky-rocketing gas prices on top of the already existing detractors of big oil could have created big problems for oil, not just BP. So, I continued, like the rest of America, to drive.

I'm glad, though, I designed a escape plan for driving 5 days a week and had floated it past my non-committal, though receptive, boss. The first thing I did Monday morning after the husband was made redundant, was to re-institute Project 4-Day-Week. (After checking on the devilish health insurance, that is.) The deal is, I'll work 4 long days and be available from home on the other. There isn't one day that is set in stone as my "day off." I'm flexible.

I hope this current rise in prices recedes or at least levels off. I know I still may have some options left to economize. I mean, I'm not planning on picking up an unwashed hippie sitting at the entrance to the turnpike and trying to get some gas money out of him any time soon.  But I could try to find a fellow commuter. I used to say confidently, "My next car will be a hybrid," just because I so dislike the act of putting gas into my car. And maybe if I keep this car for 75 years, I'll be able to afford a hybrid! In the mean time, we try to keep my tires properly inflated and not drag around too much recycling in my trunk. I try to drive the speed limit or a little under. But usually I'm guilty of hitting the accelerate button on my cruise control a few too many times. I wonder how slow I could drive on the Interstate before I would piss off the other drivers and trick them into thinking I'm a really young looking 97-year-old woman.

As far as trying to get cheaper gas, I know there are places online like gasbuddy.com that are supposed to compare prices of gas in your area. But gasbuddy.com relies on users to report gas prices and there don't seem to be many users in my area. My grocery store uses some confusing algorithm for giving you a discount on your gas if you bought groceries that day. So I usually try to buy gas on the days I buy groceries. I never know how much I should get back, so I just pull that lever and hope for a win.

Sidebar: I wish gas pumps were more like slot machines. It would make getting gas a lot more fun.
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Breakfast: egg on English Muffin 27 cents
Snack: granola bar 47 cents
Lunch: taco soup 86 cents
Snacks: celery 7 cents
Fake Dinner: Free McD's French Fries
Dinner: sausage sandwich and sweet potato patties 89 cents

Total: $2.56