Darkness, a Homily

Genesis 1:2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 

This is a pretty good description of my experience with depression. The earth feels formless and empty just as life feels formless and empty. No matter what we do to try to fill up our lives, our efforts seem hollow. Emotions are dulled and formless or even nonexistent. We can put on a proper face and respond to situations in a manner that seems appropriate, but the smiles on our faces or the compassion in our eyes never quite reaches our hearts.

Darkness hangs over the surface of the deep. Try as we might to seek out joy and light, we can never quite get a good grip on them. Just as our fingers brush against them, they slip away. Light and joy are ephemeral to people suffering from depression. They are an illusion or a figment of our imaginations.

Just as the Spirit of God hovered over the waters in that time before time, we can feel as though all our relationships hover nearby but still separate. Friends, family, God--they are close enough for us to know they exist in some form, but they hover far enough away that we are unable to participate actively in those relationships, to be sure of their intentions, or to take comfort from them.

We have all glimpsed this formlessness, emptiness, darkness and separation. Whether we've battled with depression or whether we are still battling against it. Even those of us who have not felt the overwhelming waves of darkness, solitude and anxiety have had moments--however fleeting--of the darkness.

However, God didn't leave things in the formless, empty, and dark state. Likewise, he doesn't abandon us in our moments of darkness. In Deuteronomy 31:6, he encourages us to "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you." In Deuteronomy, God delivers this message to Joshua through Moses. As anyone familiar with the old spiritual knows, Joshua later defeated the fortified city of Jericho without engaging in battle.

This isn't the only time God gives us this promise of hope and encouragement. It is repeated throughout the scriptures to people who faced frightening and dark times--from Noah and Moses to Mary and Joseph to Jesus's disciples. In fact, the only child of God that was forsaken by him was his only Son. In order to redeem us from the eternal darkness of hell, God allowed Jesus to suffer and die as an abandoned human with the burden of our sin.

Even in the beginning, God, in his infinite wisdom, created a world in which we could escape the darkness before he set us on the earth. He provided light to see and time to mark, skies to soar, earth to roam and seas to sail, plants to eat, heavenly bodies to show us the way, and animals to tend. He created us in his image to reflect his love and remind one another of his promise that the feelings of formless, emptiness and darkness can be overcome. He created us to help one another through the dark times and to lead one another along the right paths so that our souls may be restored and that we can join him on that seventh day and throughout eternity, resting in the comfort of the Lord.

Changes

Yesterday I made this blog private and began to mess with some of the features. One thing I certainly want to change is the blog title. I haven't settled on a new title, though, so I used the word change as a placeholder.

This morning, I realized that the word change is quite apropos for our lives right now. We are in for a season of major changes.Changes are always exciting. They bring with them a clean slate and a chance to reexamine my routines in order to upgrade my habits. I love to consider new possibilities and plan for new and better habits. I want to use this season of change to take a big step to having a fuller life and fostering more appreciation my blessings.

My big change goals for this fall include:

1. Finish the first chapter of my thesis.
2. Take more responsibility for the housework.
3. Make a fun fall bucket list and cross many things off the list.
4. Figure out exactly how much total debt we have.
5. Make a plan for retirement savings.
6. Finish a craft project.
7. Walk more along our local trails.
8. Blog.

The Best Things in Life: Casseroles

Maybe it's the lingering after-effects of the numerous church potluck dinners I attended as a child, but I love casseroles.

And really, what's not to love? It's warm and comforting. You can put the leftovers in refrigerator and then scoop it out and heat it up until its gone. And a casserole dish can go in the dishwasher--no dirty dishes!

Most of them are a complete meal in one dish: protein, starch, veggies. Lots of them include cheese, which is such a hot commodity in this household of three that I buy the huge 8 cup bags of shredded cheese. The two cup bags are for wimps. One notable exception is my favorite casserole, chicken and rice. My husband doesn't like it so I make it just for me. I would eat it for every meal. It reminds me of my childhood and my grandparents. Home is where the chicken and rice casserole is.

I also love how people from the Upper Midwest call them hotdishes. How great is that?

I like to make casseroles on Sunday because then I have lots of good leftovers to start off the week. 

The Best Things in Life: Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black is one of my favorite people-I-will-never-meet right now. Why? Let me tell you...

First, Wet Hot American Summer, of course. The poster for First Day of Camp has a totem pole-like stack of Paul Rudd on a motorcycle, Michael Ian Black's head and Amy Poehler's head right in the middle. It's so awesome that my husband texted me while I was at work to look it up.

But more importantly, Black hosts this podcast called "How to Be Amazing" and it's amazing. There is a new episode every other Wednesday and he interviews the most interesting people. The guest on today's episode is Nate Silver. Other guests have included Frank Rich, Carl Tanner, Amy Schumer, Tavi Gevinson, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Elizabeth Gilbert; fascinating people who have really interesting ways and have taken an out-of-the-ordinary path. Black asks great questions and ends each episode with a query of the "amazing five" (an amazing book, movie, food, music, and catch-all), which is a lot of fun.

The Best Things in Life: Harry Potter Book Club of Two

Today, J. K. Rowling announced that it is James S. Potter's first day of Hogwarts. To celebrate, I made a lazy person's version of pumpkin pasties. I also used this fact to convince my husband that we should start our Harry Potter Book Club of Two. We bought the set of Harry Potter paperbacks earlier this year so we could read the same book at the same time. He wanted to wait until it gets cooler, while I argued for starting at the start of the school year. I'm sure we would have waited until the holiday season if it hadn't been for this announcement.

I'm stoked to climb into our new bed with my hubby and start reading Harry Potter from the beginning. After a cup of tea and a pumpkin pasty, of course.

As we move through our book club selections, my plan is to make as many of these Harry Potter foods as is feasible. I am absolutely not going to make my own jelly beans or buy frog molds, but licorice wands, treacle tarts, and rock cakes I can do.